Your Transport Times

"Wanted: Twenty-five young drivers. Must be able to attend a course of study for four hours. online test at the end of your training. You will be paid for your time." The want ad was very appealing, especially since even cheap driving lessons were priced too high for me to afford. I didn't really understand how the course was going to work, and I surely didn't see how an online test could measure my ability to drive, but I was willing to give it a try. I called the number on the want ad, and as luck would have it, I got the last remaining spot in the first course.

I arrived at the designated address. When they said "young drivers", they really meant it! Some of the boys and girls there couldn't have been over ten years old. I didn't really see how they could be drivers, but the ad had requested young drivers, so I guess they must have been able to drive something. Maybe a scooter, or one of those four-wheel recreational dune buggies.

I sat down in front of the computer screen, waiting for the teacher to arrive. But no instructor showed up. Instead, a face appeared on the monitor. "Hello. I'm Kayla. I'll be your teacher today. Please put both hands on the steering wheel."

'What steering wheel?' I thought. But then I looked down, and sure enough, there was a small steering wheel, similar to those that come with some console video games. I placed my hands on it exactly as she demonstrated (though it was a fairly uncomfortable fit, the steering wheel was really too small for me) and began steering through the obstacle course that appeared in front of me.

Trash cans, stray dogs, and children's toys appeared in the virtual road in front of me. I steered around them all, but then the birds began flying directly at the car. One glanced off my front hood. "AVOID THE BIRDS" flashed in menacing red on my screen.

I muttered a bad word under my breath. "NO SWEARING," the screen admonished. But I managed to make it to the next stop sign without hitting anything or eliciting any warnings.

After what seemed like days, but was only a couple of hours, I finally completed the entire obstacle course. I was tired, and my hands were cramped from gripping the tiny steering wheel. The screen advised me to pick up my check from the receptionist in the outer lobby. I asked aloud, "What about the online test?" I didn't really expect a reply, but the screen answered immediately.

"You are too large to fit into the interstellar travel device. We thank you for your time anyway."

I still wonder if I should have left those kids there all alone.